she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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