I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
