i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
