when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
