The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize