I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
