yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
