I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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