walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
