so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize