Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
