My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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