Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
