I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize