after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize