no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
