Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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