If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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