Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
