So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
