Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
