Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
