covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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