Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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