I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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