Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
