That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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