we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
