I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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