let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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