It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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