Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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