also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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