My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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