what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
