i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize