we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize