i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
