well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
