sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
