This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
