I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
