Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
