you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
