there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
