A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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