pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
