my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
