Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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