If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize