just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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