I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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