its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
