im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
