so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
