I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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