Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
