is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
