I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
