I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
