I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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