mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Randomize
