there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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