A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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