ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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