she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
