She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
